If you don't have anything nice to say.....

"No power in society, no hardship in your condition can depress you, keep you down, in knowledge, power, virtue, influence, but by your own consent."  

~William Ellery Channing~

We are a social species, and we have a tendency to allow our self-images to be rooted in the opinions or (mis)conceptions of others.  

It is far too easy to become trapped by labels and "definitions" that others place on you.  

While it is nice to be aware of your affect on those you love, and it is important to be mindful of how you might make others feel, it is also important to try hard not to base your self-worth and dignity on external opinions.  

To be a good person, to  be honest and kind to yourself and others, and to make choices that will lead you with happiness; these are the measures by which I have learned to base my moral and personal pride.  

I have started to narrow down what makes me most happy: To be kind--- all around KIND. 

While this may seem to contradict my above statements (on not defining yourself by others standards), it is (also) is a decision I made for myself.  Because being kind to other people is what makes ME feel good.  Also, it is something that my family, in particular my mother, taught me, and I find it to an invaluable characteristic to pass down from generation to generation.  

I have two sons who motivate me daily, and are a huge source of inspiration to be kind and treat people nicely.  I hope they learn from me what I have learned from me my Mom.

I hope to make this more of my focus on this platform, my blog.  I hope to chronicle the special ways in which I display random acts of kindness. 

This was inspired by quite a few people, but most recently, I have rediscovered a global campaign that I find to be absolutely beautiful.  It's called Guerilla Goodness, and if you follow that link, you can read all about it.  I hope you take the time to do so, and I hope it finds a place into your heart as it has with mine over the last 3 years, and mainly within the last few weeks.

Kindly-

Meghan

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My wonderwall(s)

It would be totally impossible, utterly painful, completely mind-boggling, to imagine my life without these two wonderful people by my side on a daily basis.  

They are the wonders of my world.

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Baby gender woes

Waiting to find out if we will be welcoming a little boy or girl in October is driving.me.nuts.  I am having a heck of a time practicing the patience I frequently preach.

I do gender predictors (charts AND quizzes) weekly.  Okay, so maybe I do them daily.  

I look at old wives tales for clues as to what sex the baby might be. 

I compare this pregnancy to my first, looking for differences or similarities.

I am CONSTANTLY wondering.  

And all this wondering is getting old, really.  I mean... can we please just find out already so I can start shopping!?

So in another effort to fulfill my yearning to know what we are having, I thought I would turn to my loyal blog-follower's/reader's/fan's/stalker's. 

Below are my pregnancy symptoms, followed by a simple, survey: Boy or Girl.  You can leave a comment with a guess/prediction if you want to, OR you can click on the survey.  OR both!!  :)

Symptoms:

• Horrible morning sickness throughout first trimester

• Weight loss as a consequence of that sickness

• Craving: Sweets, citrus, sour

• Carrying low and wide (though hardly apparent at all)

• COLD feet (literally)

• HIGHLY emotional (in a sentimental way... crying, blubbering, sobbing, etc).

• Mood-swings are at a minimum (thank GOSH--- this was a problem when I was pregnant with Liam)

• Skin problems that I have never had before (breaking out)

So... whatcha think??  Care to humor my gender predicting obsession!!

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Spewing

Why must you be a stranger? I know thee no more!

No matter what you've done for yourself or for humanity, if you can't look back on having given love and attention to your own family, what have you really accomplished?  

 -Elbert Hubbard

Children in a family are like flowers in a bouquet: there's always one determined to face in an opposite direction from the way the arranger desires.   

-Marcelene Cox

Families are about love overcoming emotional torture.  

 - Matt Groening

Whatever they grow up to be, they are still our children, and the one most important of all the things we can give to them is unconditional love. Not a love that depends on anything at all except that they are our children.   

-Rosaleen Dickson

Any problem, big or small, within a family, always seems to start with bad communication. Someone isn't listening.   

-Emma Thompson

At the end of the day, a loving family should find everything forgivable.   

-Mark V. Olsen

Your family and your love must be cultivated like a garden. Time, effort, and imagination must be summoned constantly to keep any relationship flourishing and growing.  

 -Jim Rohn

You are woven into my very fiber, my soul.  Where are you?

It's the little things

...right?

Some days, it really is the little things that keep my head above water.  

Some days, I would just rather not think about the heavy stuff.

Some days, I simply can't.

And some days, I am just so heartbroken for those around the world who are suffering, I can't help but be thankful for all the little pieces of magic that surround my ordinary life.

These are just some of the things that supply me with satisfaction:

Each song is a personal savior of mine

A little ditty from the album...

Blue nail polish and Starbucks (duh)

I have colored nail polish (still) and I am NOT afraid to use it.

Bright flowers sent by even brighter people

Look at that bad boy right in the center, hogging the entire show.  :)

A silly but sentimental keepsake

Bren gave me this when we were first dating.  It was kind of a joke (he found it on a table outside of his work), but I played along and pretended like it was the best gift I had ever received.  It turns out, it was.  I have saved it for years now.  He laughs at me that I've kept it.  But I love it.  I just do.

I'm still six

My relationship with Spaghetti-0's is borderline insane...

Mid-day pictures of my adorable niece, Peyton

...For obvious reasons...

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Follow-up and Great News

Some "things" have come to light over the last couple of weeks.

What started as an exciting adventure for my family quickly turned into a source of confusion and sadness.  If you read my last post, you know what it is I am talking about.

[But you know, nothing is every written in stone], and this is especially true of our most recent turmoil.

I have not announced this over Facebook yet because I just didn't know how to... instead, I was telling people as they asked. It was just easier for me that way.  But I am getting more and more questions, and people are very confused.  So I figured it was time to elaborate a bit for those who don't know the whole story but would like to.

So here goes...

As some of you know, it has been such a tough past few weeks for Bren and I.  A few weeks ago, we went in for our first ultrasound-- excited to see the baby, ready to expose Liam to who would eventually be his sibling, all around happy.

It was at this appointment that the doctor told us that it looked to be a "bad pregnancy."  I immediately reached out to my doctor who told me that I was likely miscarrying the baby; that it had stopped developing at 5 weeks even though my LMP showed me being 11 weeks along.

She sent me in for blood work to corroborate what she thought was happening, and then scheduled me for a "final ultrasound," telling me, "We'll get you through this honey.  A lot of women go through this." (A sad truth).

She told me I could do it on my own (at home), but that it could possibly take months for my body to recognize that it wasn't a legitimate pregnancy.  (Um, no thanks).

Our/my other option was to have it removed at the hospital (via D&C).  Not fun stuff.  Obviously, this was a tough thing to hear.

I guess the hardest part about all of this can be summed up into two parts:

1- I had already told everyone I was pregnant.  Now what?

2- I still felt pregnant physically and had already started to bond with the pregnancy itself.  Now I would have to begin to emotionally separate myself.

The next Friday (almost 2 weeks ago now), before I was supposed to go into the hospital, they sent me in for my final ultrasound, a pre-op verification. 

About 30-seconds into the ultrasound, the technician turned the screen for me to see, and pointed to a baby and a heartbeat.

Baby Whitfield (due 10-16-11)

It turns out that I am one of the very lucky ones whose very EARLY pregnancy was mistaken (medically) for a miscarriage.

I'm not sure how lucky I felt throughout the week that I thought I had lost the baby, but I feel extremely blessed now.

Today I am a little over 8 weeks along.

Bren and I appreciate everyone's kind wishes and warm thoughts.  We have wonderful people in our  lives, and we have never (and will never) overlook you.  Thank you all for your support.  

All our love

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... sometimes things happen ...

This is not an easy thing to do, but Brendon and I want to avoid awkward conversations down the line.  And we are just not sure that there is an easier way to do and/or say this.  We have reached out to family members and close friends, but we feel it necessary to disclose this to the people that keep up with our lives via Facebook and/or this blog.

Brendon and I found out earlier this week that we lost the baby.  Although this is a terribly emotional time for our family, we continue to feel fully blessed and we are determined to remain optimistic.  This is just part of our journey, and in no way do we feel that this will prevent us from continuing to move forward.  

This will undoubtedly take time to come to grips with.  We want everyone to know that we are staying strong and positive, and we are allowing this to strengthen the bond between us, and our family and friends.  Please keep us in your thoughts in the coming weeks.

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I am the Luckiest

As I drove in this morning, I felt completely surrounded by love.  

I looked in the backseat to see my little boy smiling at me, for no apparent reason.  Just smiling this cute little smile, squinting his perfect eyes in bliss.  This happens often, to both me and my husband:  We will be going about our business and turn to find Liam staring at us, admiring us quietly.  But it never gets old... it never loses it's specialty.  

It is in these moments that I feel so incredibly happy, and so proud to be raising such a wonderful little boy.  Already, he knows his own significance in love.  

I'm not sure I could ask for more of a blessing....

  

 

Quote found here

Indicative Clutter

(1,2,3) Three bags sit outside of my master bathroom.  All are filled with clothes that I plan on donating to the Good Will.  I know... a very philanthropic gesture; one that I believe firmly in. 

It's a problem, however, when they have been sitting there for over 4 months, serving absolutely no purpose... collecting dust-balls and hair.  Ew!!

I mean, seriously?  What the heck is wrong with me?  I spent so much time raking through my closets and drawers, pulling out all that I knew I would never (or should never) wear again, bagging up my charity... and yet I can't bring myself to put them in my car and drive them to a donation box.  Slappity, slap-slap, Meghan!  Get it together, sister!

Here's the good news: That is all about to change!

I am one of the lucky ones that have off the entire week after Christmas.  This brings me almost as much joy as the holiday itself (okay, maybe more). 

So I will be using this healthy chunk of time to do the following:

* I will be adding (hopefully) another 3-4 bags of donated clothes to the previously mentioned bags.  This is in addition to the 3-4 bags of Liam and Bren's clothes that I am handing down and/or donating.  How do clothes accumulate so fast?  And why SO MUCH!  Why do I need 15 pairs of sweats.  I wear the same damn pair every night anyway. *

* I will also be re-organizing the dreaded basement storage area.  When we moved into this place, we just threw all of our unused junk in the basement/laundry room.  It looks like crap.  AND some of it, we don't.even.need!  Again, serving NO purpose in our house or in our lives.   To Good Will with you, dust collectors!  Go make someone else happy! *

* Cleaning is a top priority of mine.  I like to keep the house "tidy," which essentially means that I straighten-up often (pillows in the right place, tables wiped, etc).  But a thorough cleaning is necessary at this point, especially since I have the time to do it. *

* Thank you cards.  Enough said. *

* Consolidate my recipe collection.  Not only do I have my very own favorite recipes that I will never ever let go of, but I have gathered so many recipes from some awesome blogs: (She's amazing... check her out.  These two ladies rock it out.  And her posts make me drool.)  With all the inspiration, and all the ideas, I have my work cut out for me. *

* I'm also going to craft during the break.  This is another inspired hobby that I plan on exploring!  And I'm really excited about it!!!  I plan on documenting my steps during some of my adventures, and starting to post DIY's.  So many awesome DIY blogs out there, and I want to jump on that bandwagon!  I have pointed her out before, and she is relevant here too.  Total genius! *

* Lastly, and most importantly, I plan on spending every bit of my time with my sidekick, Liam!  It's been a while since we had a solid few days off together.  I'm looking forward to all the kisses and hugs and high-fives that will surely fill up our days.  He's amazing! *  

* I REALLY REALLY wish my hub was going to have this time off with us, but alas, he will be slaving away in corporate America.  Yay, Capitalism!  I miss him, dearly. *

All of this adds up to something.  Something bigger than getting rid of clothes and arranging my recipe cards ever-so methodically.  All of this is in an effort to de-clutter my life.  Clutter is so symptomatic.  It is the result of stress- a visual reminder/representation of anxiety.  And it's time to change all of that.  It's time to return to peace. 

On my mind this Monday

My hub is on my mind today, like most days.  I hope to get a second to tell him how much he means to me.  I try to tell him everyday, in one way or another.  A text, a kiss, a hug... an actual "thank you."  I feel a date night brewing.  Date nights are SO important for any couple, but especially a mom/dad couple.  Nights away from the babe are critical in order to plug some romance, some spontaneity back into the connection.  What if, just for tonight, we weren't co-parents? We were co-people? You be a man. I'll be a woman. That's all.

My boy is ALWAYS on my mind, but especially recently.  The poor thing is going through a awful phase right now... I think they call it the 'terrible two's.'  There has been no hitting or kicking.  No throwing or spitting.  No screaming or tantrums.  None of the things {I thought} were classified under the term 'terrible two's.'  Instead, Bubba is an emotional wreck.  He has always been a VERY sensitive child (much like I was and am ;)), but lately, all he wants to/can do is cry.  And it has me totally lost/heartbroken, frustrated/drained.  I suppose this is a natural thing for both child and parent.  It's a test of the relationship, and it will only increase understanding and togetherness (at least that is my hope).  But in the midst of it, I'm feeling overwhelmed.  I turned to my wonderful mom, Karen, for support, and she simply told me: "Just love him."

Yeah.... she's pretty great!

School!  I came into work today to find out that I Aced this semester to the tune of a 3.85 GPA.  Good enough (I think) to keep me on the Dean's List.  And so, yeah, this makes me happy.  Being an almost 30 something with a husband and kid at home (I would say family, but husband and kid sounds a little more daunting, doesn't it?!), it has not been easy to keep up with my degree.  But I am working off of sheer will-power here, people.  Pure gusto.  Earning my degree falls in line right below my family on my list of priorities.  Sorry work, you didn't make the cut... even though I need you.  Okay, so I'll give work #3 on my list of importance/daily attention...

Finally, and last but NOT least, my Aunt Rosie, who is my Great Aunt (both generationally and complimentary) is heavy on my mind and in my heart. She has been in a nursing home for 5-or-so-years now, and had a stroke last week.  This was not her first stroke, but thankfully, it will be her last.  Her closest family members (my Great Uncle Lloyd and her sons, Larry and Irvin) decided to take her off meds, oxygen, and food, and simply let her pass.  She made it clear that this is what she wanted.  She has said for years now that she was "ready to go," but her body just wouldn't give up on her.  I was able to see her yesterday.  I was able to tell her how much I love her, how much she has always meant and will always mean to me, and I was able to kiss her goodbye.  I'm so thankful for that opportunity.  And I am begging the powers-that-be to take her peacefully, gently and soon.

It is so important to stay close to those special people in your life.  To tell those whom bring you joy just that; that they make you happy.  It is important to live in love rather than try to impose your love upon others.  Let the way in which you carry yourself speak louder than words ever could.  And lastly, look in the mirror and get to know yourself.  It begins and ends with you....

Holiday Spirit

It's been about, oh, six years or so since I have participated in a holiday decorating ceremony/ritual/party/job (all of the above). 

When I was little, I remember being so excited to adorn the house in Christmas apparel. Karen (my mom) would pull out her absurdly large collection of Christmas decor, and she would lay it all out on the family room floor for my brother and I to admire.

Let's get one thing straight here... this was no ordinary stockpile.  Over the years, Karen had built up an impressive assortment of any and all types of festive doodads.

And I'll be damned if I wasn't ready to Christmafy every nook and cranny of that house.  Once those ornaments and doohickeys were splayed out in front of me, it was game on.  This was SERIOUS.

My brother Mike and I would scamper around the house embellishing window sills, end tables, bookshelves, televisions, counter tops, railings, bathrooms, bedrooms, porches, door knobs, tissue boxes (yes!).  You see, Karen had a "thing" with Christmas.  She still does.... 

...and consequently, so do I.  Though I didn't realize it until recently, when it was time to orchestrate my own holiday decorating extravaganza, I have inherited my mom's Christmas cheer.

We put up our first Whitfield tree a couple of weekends back.  It is just the perfect piece of eye candy to get me in the holiday spirit.  Scott (my dad) and Bren (my hub) put the tree up and strung the lights.  Karen (momma) and Liam (my baby boy) helped hang bulbs and ornaments and bows.  And before I knew it, it was brightening everything around me, inside of me, through me.  I had forgotten... just how much significance decorating carried.  How much the decorations meant.  And most of all, how much I absolutely love sharing the process with my family.

Mom--- Thank you for passing on your holiday enthusiasm to me.  I love you, and your crazy obsession with tissue box covers!

 

What Matters

Time- spent with my husband and my son; spent with my family and friends; spent in solitude and silence.

Space- for Liam to grow and play and dance and create; for Brendon and I to connect and count our blessings; for the newness we have yet to uncover.

Blankets- to cuddle in; to keep warm; to build forts and castles; to dream.

Pictures- to take; to reflect; to commemorate; to remember; to pass on.

Water- to stay healthy and hydrated; to take bubble baths; to rejuvenate; to splash and swim... and float.

To stay involved and engaged with those whom I love, admire and appreciate.

To read; to learn; to generate; to keep moving; to teach.

To pay it forward; to listen and advise; to smile and frown; to laugh and cry.

To keep my heart and ears open and my shoulder available, free of charge.

To ask for help when I need it; to teach Liam to do the same.

To lead by example and follow graciously.

To put love and kindness in the fore-front of my daily motives.

To love my husband, and allow him to treat me well.

To hug my father.

To honor my mom and my dad by being the best version of myself that I can possibly be.

To accept myself; to lower my expectations.

To be gentle.