The Awakening

 There comes a time in your life when you finally get it...
When in the midst of all your fears and insanity you stop
dead in your tracks and somewhere the voice inside your
head cries out - ENOUGH! Enough fighting and crying or
struggling to hold on. And, like a child quieting down
after a blind tantrum, your sobs begin to subside,
you shudder once or twice, you blink back your tears
and through a mantle of wet lashes you begin to look
at the world from a new prospective.  

This is your awakening.

You realize that it is time to stop hoping and waiting for
something, or someone, to change...or for happiness, safety
and security to come galloping over the next horizon. You come
to terms with the fact that there aren't always fairytale endings
(or beginnings for that matter) and that any guarantee of
"happily ever after" must begin with you. So, you begin
making your way through the "reality of today" rather than
holding out for the "promise of tomorrow." You realize
that much of who you are, and the way you navigate through life is,
in great part, a result of all the social conditioning you've
received over the course of a lifetime. And you begin to sift
through all the nonsense you were taught about:

- how you should look and how much you should weigh
­ what you should wear and where you should shop
­ where you should live or what type of car your should drive
­ who you should sleep with and how you should behave
­ who you should marry and why you should stay -

Slowly you begin to open up to new worlds and different points of view.
And you begin reassessing and redefining who you are and what you really
believe in. And you begin to discard the doctrines you have outgrown,
or should never have practiced to begin with.

You accept the fact that you are not perfect and that not everyone
will love, appreciate or approve of who or what you are...and
that's OK...they are entitled to their own views and opinions.
And, you come to terms with the fact that you will never be a size
5 or a "perfect 10"....Or a perfect human being for that matter...
and you stop trying to compete with the perfect image inside your head
or agonizing over how you "stack up." And, you make peace
with the woman in the mirror and you learn to give her the same
unconditional love and support you give so freely to others.

And, you stop maneuvering through life merely as a "consumer"
hungry for your next fix...a new dress, another pair of shoes...or looks
of approval and admiration from family, friends or even strangers who
pass by. And you discover that..."it is truly in giving that we
receive"...and that the joy and abundance you seek grows out of
the giving. And you recognize the importance of "creating" & "contributing"
rather than "obtaining" & "accumulating."

And you begin to love and to honor yourself.
And you stop engaging in self-destructive behavior
including participating in dysfunctional relationships.
And you begin eating a balanced diet, drinking more water
and taking more time to rest and exercise.

Then you learn about love and relationships...how to love,
how much to give in love, when to stop giving...and when to
walk away. And you allow only the hands of a lover who truly
loves and respects you to glorify you with his touch.
You learn that people don't always say what they mean or mean
what they say, intentionally or unintentionally and that not
everyone will always come through...and interestingly enough,
it's not always about you. So, you stop lashing out and pointing
fingers or looking to place blame for the things that were done
to you...or weren't done for you. And you learn to acknowledge
and redirect the feelings of anger, jealousy and resentment you
sometimes feel...least they suffocate your spirit and steal your soul.

You learn how to say I was wrong and to forgive people for their
own human frailties and to build bridges instead of walls...and
you learn about the healing power of love as it is expressed
through a kind word, a warm smile or a friendly gesture...At the
same time, you eliminate ANY relationships that are hurtful or fail
to uplift and edify you. And you stop working so hard at smoothing
things over and setting your needs aside. You learn that feelings
of entitlement are perfectly OK and that it is your right to want
or expect certain things. And you learn the importance of communicating
your needs. You learn that the only cross to bear is the one you choose
to carry and that eventually martyrs are burned at the stake. Then you
learn to distinguish between guilt, and responsibility and the
importance of setting boundaries and learning to Say NO. You learn
that you don't know all the answers, it's not your job to save
the world and that sometimes you just need to Let Go.

And, you learn to look at people as they really are and not as
you would have them be and you are careful not to project your
neediness or insecurities onto a relationship. You learn that
you will not be, more beautiful, more intelligent, more lovable
or important because of the man on your arm or the child that
bears your name. You learn that just as people grow and change
so it is with love and relationships....and that not everyone
can always love you the way you would want them to or live life
just to suit your needs, ease your insecurities or meet "your"
standards and expectations. And, you learn the difference between
wanting and needing and you stop trying to control people, situations
and outcomes. And, you learn that "alone" does not mean
"lonely" and you begin to discover the joy of spending
time "with yourself" and "on yourself."

You avoid Toxic people and conversations. And you stop wasting time
and energy rehashing your situation with family and friends because
you've learned that talking about things doesn't change them. You
learn that wishing for something is different from working to make
it happen. And you begin to invest your time and energy to affect
positive change. You take a personal inventory of the areas you need to
improve in order to move ahead, you set your goals and map out a
plan of action to see things through. 

You learn that life isn't always fair and you don't always get what
you think you deserve. You stop personalizing every loss or disappointment.
You learn to accept that sometimes bad things happen to good people and
that these things are not an act of God...but merely a random act of fate.

And you stop looking for guarantees because you've learned that the
only thing you can really count on is the unexpected...and that
whatever happens, you'll learn to handle it. And you learn that the
only thing you must truly fear is the great robber baron of all time
FEAR itself. So you learn to step right into and through your fears
because to give into fear is to give away the right to live life on your
terms. You learn that much of life truly is a self-fulfilling prophesy
and you learn to go after what you want and not to squander your life
living under a cloud of indecision or feelings of impending doom.

Then, YOU LEARN ABOUT MONEY...the personal power and
independence it brings and the options it creates. And
you recognize the necessity, to create your own personal
wealth. Slowly, you begin to take responsibility for yourself
by yourself and you make yourself a promise to never betray
yourself and to never ever settle for less than your heart's
desire. And you live with honor and integrity...because you
know that these principles are not the outdated ideals of a
by-gone era but the mortar that holds together the foundation
upon which you must build your life. And you make it a point
to keep smiling, to keep trusting and to stay open to every
wonderful opportunity and exciting possibility. Then you hang
a wind chime outside your window to remind yourself what
beauty there is in Simplicity.

Finally, with courage in your heart, you
take a stand, you TAKE a deep breath and you begin to design the
life you want to live as best as you can.

Written by: Sonny Carroll 

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(appropriately: Anonymous)

Do Not Quit

When things go wrong as they sometimes will;
When the road you're trudging seems all uphill;
When the funds are low, and the debts are high
And you want to smile, but have to sigh;
When care is pressing you down a bit -
Rest if you must, but do not quit.

Success is failure turned inside out;
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt;
And you can never tell how close you are
It may be near when it seems so far;
So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit -
It's when things go wrong that you must not quit.

#justkeepswimming
#ifatfirstyoudontsucceed
#trytryagain

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Re-Blogging: The genius work of w.c pelon

Check out his website and more of his work here

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My Daily Anthem

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Sarah Kay- Spoken Word Artist

Also, check out this video below if you have 18 minutes to spare.  She is BRILLIANT, and it's WELL worth it!

Stumbled Upon: A poem by Oriah

The Invitation

It doesn't interest me what you do for a living. I want to know what you ache for, and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart's longing. It doesn't interest me how old you are. I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool for love, for your dreams, for the adventure of being alive. It doesn't interest me what planets are squaring your moon. I want to know if you have touched the centre of your own sorrow, if you have been opened by life's betrayals or have become shrivelled and closed from fear of further pain. I want to know if you can sit with pain, mine or your own, without moving to hide it or fade it or fix it.   I want to know if you can be with joy mine or your own. if you can dance with wildness and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes without cautioning us to be careful, be realistic, remember the limitations of being human. It doesn't interest me if the story you are telling me is true. I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself. If you can bear the accusation of betrayal and not betray your own soul. If you can be faithless and therefore trustworthy. I want to know if you can see Beauty even when it is not pretty every day, and if you can source your own life from its presence. I want to know if you can live with failure, yours and mine, and still stand at the edge of the lake and shout to the silver of the full moon,“Yes.”  It doesn't interest me to know where you live, or how much money you have. I want to know if you can get up after the night of grief and despair, weary and bruised to the bone, and do what needs to be done to feed the children. It doesn't interest me who you know or how you came to be here. I want to know if you will stand in the centre of the fire with me and not shrink back. It doesn't interest me where or what or with whom you have studied. I want to know what sustains you from the inside when all else falls away. I want to know if you can be alone with yourself, and if you truly like the company you keep in the empty moments.

© Oriah Mountain Dreamer, from the book The Invitation published by HarperSanFrancisco, 1999

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Jar of Hearts

officially obsessed with these lyrics

I know I can't take one more step towards you

Cause all that's waiting is regret
And don't you know I'm not your ghost anymore
You lost the love I loved the most

I learned to live half alive
And now you want me one more time

And who do you think you are
Running 'round leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
And tearing love apart
You're gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
So don't come back for me
Who do you think you are

I hear you're asking all around
If I am anywhere to be found
But I have grown too strong
To ever fall back in your arms

And learn to live half alive
And now you want me one more time

And who do you think you are
Running 'round leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
And tearing love apart
You're gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
So don't come back for me
Who do you think you are

Dear, it took so long just to feel alright
Remember how to put back the light in my eyes
I wish I had missed the first time that we kissed
Cause you broke all your promises
And now you're back
You don't get to get me back

And who do you think you are
Running 'round leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
And tearing love apart
You're gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
So don't come back for me
Don't come back at all

Someone's Coming

Little girl- huddled-

Hugging herself tight.

Waiting for someone to tell her

Everything’s alright.

Keeping her eyes open,

Staring at the light

Under the doorway.

All alone, in silence

She fears the worst;

She has been forgotten.

She did not come first.

She wipes her own tears now.

She believes she is a curse

In an ugly world.

So she stays in her bedroom, crying quietly.

She spins ‘round and ‘round.

Looking for solace in old pictures-

But there is nothing to be found.

A pile of wrecked memories

Scattered about the ground.
So quiet,            she gasps

At the sound
Of footsteps.

Someone's coming...

** This poem was recently published in George Mason University's literary magazine, Volition (2011)

Can't Stand the Rain: against your window

That painting you painted is starting to bleed-
Right from her fingers,
Right from her knees.

Her eyes shed red tears filled with sorrow and pain-
As though it's her fault,
As though she's to blame.

You get angry and frantic, trying hard to work it out.
You panic and worry,
You scream and you shout.

She's ruined your life, she's off the beaten trail.
Her colors are blurry,
Her skin has turned pale.

You refuse to accept it, this is not what you planned.
She was designed to be special,
She was supposed to be grand.

Now the paint is running, after years of abuse.
She's rebelling, she's defiant
She's stepped out of your shoes.

She has made herself something you do not understand.
No matter that she's beautiful;
She's not what you planned.

This image, this portrait that you spent so long painting,
It's ruined, it's tarnished,
It's not yours, it's tainted.

[She screams]
“How could you do this?
How could this be?
How could you not care
That the painting is ME.”

I'm changing-
I'm human-

Go figure.

Just a Dream

Last night, I dreamt that I saw you
In a car-window's reflection,
But you did not see me.
...
Your hair was at its best
-curly and wild-
As it shone in the morning light.
...
Your lips were slathered in their typical tone,
Just as glossy as I’d remembered.
-I smiled-
I couldn’t believe how beautiful you looked.
...
You wore your favorite sunglasses,
The ones you no longer have
-but oh well-
Easily replaced.
...
You just stood at your car,
Calculating your next move,
Wracking the endless check-list in your brain.
...
It was as if you had no idea how gorgeous you were
-Like no one had ever told you-
We both know that’s not the case.
It was as if you had no concept of yourself,
Or the space you stood in.
...
When I saw you, it nearly took my breath away
-A reaction I was not expecting-
You just looked so, different,
So, changed,
So, poised.
...
When I saw you, it nearly took my breath away
-Until I woke up and I realized-
You were me.
I was you.

Oh Well.

Tunnel Vision

The light at the end of the tunnel is alive and breathing.
It shines, forever unaware of its influence,
Totally oblivious to its grandeur.
Its brightness is fueled by modesty and consideration,
For everyone besides itself.

For some, it is the support upon which they stand,
And the hope upon which they fall.
As it gleams, day in and day out,
Occasionally flickering with exhaustion,
It provides a solemn sense of reassurance to those that look its way.

For some, it is the gratification of victory,
And the sweet relief of success.
As it glows, every day without fail,
Blinking only to shed a tear,
It says goodbye to one dream fulfilled, and hello to the next aspiration.

For some, it is the worship of idols, and the inspiration drawn from heroes.
As it glistens, reliably from day to day,
Wavering just for a moment,
It drives a fanatical passion,
And cheers for its onlookers with unparalleled fervor.

For me, it is the love of two men,
And the continual joy that they lay on my heart.
As they twinkle, relentlessly, oblivious to their significance,
They congest my soul with gratitude,
And dam my spirit with value.

The lights at the end of the tunnel are alive and breathing.
One is my soul mate,
The other is teething.
Fortune has never blinded me so deeply,
As these two bright lights that will never stop beaming.

(Pinocchio Should Have Rebelled with a bit More Conviction)

The makeup you have meticulously placed
on my face is
chafing my skin.
These hooks that you have poked
in my limbs
are making me bleed.
I'm made of flesh- SKIN!

I'm lonely up here.
How long have you been
yanking and
cranking and
tugging?

You did not design me,
as the fulfilled gaze in your haughty,
naughty eyes
would imply you did.
I'm lonely up here.

Beauty
Cannot be manipulated.
Energy
Cannot be fabricated.
Grace
Cannot be found from one yank
To another.

I'm done. I quit.
Snap these strings
and put me down,
so I can wash my face.



** A poem I wrote 3 years ago that has recently been accepted into the Spring 2009 issue of GMU's literary journal. So, this makes it 2 for 2... I was also published last semester! It is very cool, and I'm both humbled and proud all at once. **

[un]Consciousness

While the clash between my wits and my carcass evolves,
I pause to dwell on the sensation of gratitude
That I feel pulsing through my conked-out-body-
An insight of immense appreciation for you,
And for your positively priceless presence in my life.

I liberate a tear from my exhausted eye.
It trickles down my face.
I attempt to detain it with my tongue-
Prevent it from tapping your shoulder-
Deter it from unveiling my sentiment-
I refuse it from exposing me.

Another drops,
Hitting every piece of peach fuzz on my Rosie Reds
As it makes its way slowly to my lips.
It tastes like joy!
It tastes like "thank you" and undreamed of miracles.

You embrace my arm and proclaim to me your undying love
Once more before
We drift to a place where reality has no voice.

Another tear- warm and comforting-
I aver my mutual adoration for you.
Once again, I can't help but sample the flavor
That you have inspired my eye to concoct:
The sweet taste of reverence,
The salty sense of lust,
The sour tang of missing you in slumber.

Morning cannot come too soon.
While we lay here,
And as we sleep
Please know my soul is yours to keep,
Until we meet again
On the other side of the moon.


Oh, what would I do without you?